Love? Sometimes there is no way but to be desperate

I’d like to make a motion to stop using “desperate” as an insult when people speak on how much they want their lover. Literally, the term ‘desperate’ means “(of a person) having a great need or desire for something”. However, this shouldn’t be used as a jibe to someone yearning for their lover. Being honest about desiring someone, tossing one’s pride to the wind, and admitting that you feel lost without your love is powerful, in my opinion. Depending on the type of lover you are engaging, this could be an act that yields great triumph or heartache; but where there is love, I believe, any wound can be nursed.

It is for this reason that I created desperate for him, a playlist to narrate just how desperate we can become. From time to time, much like the R&B from the 1990s, I too can be delusional about love. Yes, I would rather go blind than to watch the love of my life walk away from me - but only in metaphor. At the same time, where feelings are concerned, “sometimes, you've just got to put it out there. you want him. desire is high, inhibitions low. beg for it, mean it. tell him you need more from him. describe what you want. don't fear desperation. if the relationship is worth a damn, nothing should be embarrassing. be desperate, there's power there.”

I created desperate for him as an ode to one of the people whom I have no business loving. We’re currently in an off period, but before he broke the news, I knew I was feeling desperate for him and channeled that sentiment into this playlist. However, I only found the hero song recently with the release of “No Way” by Tom Saison and Naye Ayla. While my current status of romance with this man is nothing to be desired, I’m not too proud to admit that I’m desperate for him. More especially, I wish we both carried the disposition of “Ain’t no way I’m gonna mess this up, I’m tired of fucking up” for each other.

I’ll admit, in the past I’ve said that vulnerability can be weaponized or exploited. By this, I meant to suggest that choosing to be vulnerable can, in itself, be an act of manipulation. Looking back, how I framed that thought and statement at the time, particularly in the context that I did, is indicative of my own self-resentment. Today, I believe leaning in to our vulnerabilities by being honest about them makes it less possible for the same vulnerabilities to be used against us. For example, I’m literally feeling desperate for a lover of mine. If the same statement were repeated to me, it can’t hurt because that is the definitive truth, and I see no shame in factual statements.

Therefore, in close, sometimes there is no way but to be desperate for your lover. Sometimes, you’ve got to cry about it. Sometimes, you’ve got to put it all out on the table. As the adage goes, the truth will set you free, and, in this instance, it’s not your business whether or not someone else can or cannot handle your truth.